Jogging with my Cigarette

   

     Apparently, I do my best thinking on my drive into work, I assume it has to do with the silence, and large metal box I am in, yes, that's it! However, it could be the music roaring loudly in my car, give me some good Bon Jovi to listen to and I am in my groove!
     As I was driving, I came across a younger woman, she was dressed in running clothes, you know those fancy, crazy colored (sometimes blinding), tight stretch pants, and a cute shirt to match. The woman had a ponytail upon her head, and looked like she had just ran a cool mile. The closer I got, the clearer the scene became to me, and boy was I confused!
     This cute, slender, athletic looking woman, who appeared to be on a healthy run, was holding a cigarette in one hand. Two things came to my mind: One, people can appear one way, and be another, good or bad. Two, I made a quick judgement that this woman was something she wasn't just by the way she looked, even though her look was positive.
     There is a big elephant in the room, in the state of Utah...it is called, "we can't let people see our flaws, or, sometimes called, "I am sorry my house is messy, it was clean yesterday" syndrome. Aren't we all trying to cover up who we really are, because we are worried about what others think?
     So, as I thought about this woman, nicely dressed for a run, but holding a cigarette, which was obviously not healthy for her, I thought about my own jogging outfit (green and purple striped pants, super tight, and of course, a gold shimmering sequin shirt!) My "real" jogging outfit consists of some nice work clothes, church clothes, Levi's and hoodies, and occasionally some embarrassing bright red jogging pants and sweatshirt, but is what I wear on the outside really who I am? What about the perfect looking woman who sits in church, quiet, nicely dressed children sitting reverently next to her? What about the man in line at the grocery store, who is down on his luck, dirty, smelly? How about the woman at the gym, overweight, sweating like crazy, staring at the woman who is skinny, who barely has a glimmer of sweat on her?
     We forget we are all human, we all have flaws, and we all make mistakes. A lot of people assume I have it all together, spiritual, hard-working, good mother, wife....not even close, but that's ok, I am learning to embrace my flaws, and even look at that as an opportunity to help and serve others.
     Think about the perfect woman at church, with the perfect kids....how much screaming did she do to get those kids into those clothes? Did she cry the night before because she feels so much pressure to have that "perfect" family? Maybe, she even drinks at night, and hates herself for being a failure. This woman's jogging outfit doesn't fit, but what if that woman was willing to open up to others, and admit that she needs others? Maybe, there are other woman who feel that same pressure.
     The man in the grocery store line who stinks, who is a honored veteran who suffers with PTSD. Did his "outfit" really show us who he really is? Did we judge him by his look to quickly? He is a child of God, as well. Everyone is a child of God no matter their outfit.
     Next time I see a woman running, I am not going to judge her, because she may look all put together and fit, but what happens when she goes home? Does she run to escape an abusive relationship? Does she go home and starve herself? What about her self-talk, does she tell herself how horrible she is or how fat she is?
     However, on the flip side of the coin, do I dress in nice church clothes to appear better than others? Do I want to appear perfect when I obviously am not? Am I afraid of being myself? Where is my cigarette while I jog? When people come to my messy house, am I more afraid of them judging me or am I worried they will find the raccoon living in my oldest's bedroom? Personally, I am worried of them judging me, judging my laziness, my cleaning skills, and my inability to control raccoons. Maybe, I need to remember I spent the morning cleaning, had two doctor appointments, went to work, played with my kids, made dinner....but I am worried of you judging me! Am I alone in this? Surely, I am not alone, maybe we could just be real, strip down those ugly running outfits and wear our real clothes!
     This elephant in Utah that Mormons are perfect, or better than others is insane! Sometimes, in my experience, non-Mormons, drug addicts, rough and tough men, can be very raw and real. I love the people of different faiths, people who struggle with addictions and alcohol! I love my Mormon friends, and the faith they teach me!
     We can break this syndrome of perfectionism and hiding our trials and flaws....we are all in this world together, wearing ugly stretchy pants! Please forgive me if I have offended anyone, I just see so much division in this world, and I love you.