What a black, empty thought it is to think of life at death, as the end...nothing more, no eternal life, no eternal families, no loving Heavenly Father to greet us as we return home, no loving Savior to engulf us in His arms, no reunion with loved ones who have passed before us; I cannot imagine this grim picture.
As I look upon my sleeping husband tonight, who is bloodless, empty of fluids, and struggling to stay alert. I believe, if I do my best, my best, I will be with my husband through the eternities. I am not perfect, far from it, but if I treat my fellowman as I would want to be treated, serve my brothers and sisters, raise my children with love, and accept all men for who they are...I can be with my family forever, I will have faith.
Have I always had faith? No. I struggle daily, just like all people. Why are these trials plaguing me? I believe because I need to be humbled to give all my faith and trust in my Heavenly Father. I can't fix Chris, doctors can help Chris, and loved ones and family can help Chris, but ultimately it is our loving Heavenly Father who sees what is best for Chris, me, and my little family. Is this an easy thing to give up? No. I am so prideful, that it has taken my husband laying in a hospital bed for four months for me to figure out....I am not in charge, I have to have faith and patience; easier said than done.
I am scared that I may have to raise my family without Chris, and I am scared that I will have to provide for my family all by myself. I am afraid of being alone without my best friend, my hero, my soul mate, my eternal companion...the father of my children. How can I live this life without his laughter and his support? I say, "I have to have faith, and trust in the Lord," but I am human and I am scared, but I will push forward with faith, I cannot imagine that black empty picture, I yearn for the greeting of my Brother and Father in Heaven...and hope they say to me, "you have done well." Will they? I hope.
My plan was not to write about religion today, but my heart is full as I look upon my husband lying in his hospital bed here in the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit at LDS, and I know I will be with him for eternity, along with my loved ones and family.
I love my husband dearly, and we have not always had the "perfect" marriage, but we have fought for each other and will continue to fight for each other.
There are many beliefs out there, and many religions, and I know we all believe differently, but we all are on this earth to support and love one another no matter who or what we believe...we are all children of a loving God. EVERYONE.
Much love....
I can't show pictures of my middle child yet, but here are Riley and A***** at Cody's soccer game.....my two girls.
As I look upon my sleeping husband tonight, who is bloodless, empty of fluids, and struggling to stay alert. I believe, if I do my best, my best, I will be with my husband through the eternities. I am not perfect, far from it, but if I treat my fellowman as I would want to be treated, serve my brothers and sisters, raise my children with love, and accept all men for who they are...I can be with my family forever, I will have faith.
Have I always had faith? No. I struggle daily, just like all people. Why are these trials plaguing me? I believe because I need to be humbled to give all my faith and trust in my Heavenly Father. I can't fix Chris, doctors can help Chris, and loved ones and family can help Chris, but ultimately it is our loving Heavenly Father who sees what is best for Chris, me, and my little family. Is this an easy thing to give up? No. I am so prideful, that it has taken my husband laying in a hospital bed for four months for me to figure out....I am not in charge, I have to have faith and patience; easier said than done.
I am scared that I may have to raise my family without Chris, and I am scared that I will have to provide for my family all by myself. I am afraid of being alone without my best friend, my hero, my soul mate, my eternal companion...the father of my children. How can I live this life without his laughter and his support? I say, "I have to have faith, and trust in the Lord," but I am human and I am scared, but I will push forward with faith, I cannot imagine that black empty picture, I yearn for the greeting of my Brother and Father in Heaven...and hope they say to me, "you have done well." Will they? I hope.
My plan was not to write about religion today, but my heart is full as I look upon my husband lying in his hospital bed here in the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit at LDS, and I know I will be with him for eternity, along with my loved ones and family.
I love my husband dearly, and we have not always had the "perfect" marriage, but we have fought for each other and will continue to fight for each other.
There are many beliefs out there, and many religions, and I know we all believe differently, but we all are on this earth to support and love one another no matter who or what we believe...we are all children of a loving God. EVERYONE.
Much love....
I can't show pictures of my middle child yet, but here are Riley and A***** at Cody's soccer game.....my two girls.
My dear Brook. I wish I could help you bear this burden. I can't imagine the fear you must feel, and the future you may have to face. I pray with all my heart that Chris can make it through these trials! But you are right about Heavenly Father- He does know you, and is aware of you, and knows what is best for your little family. Your tears are shared by many. We will continue to pray for you all, and have faith, and be patient. Know that I love you. Both of you. God bless.
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