A picture can be worth a thousand words. These pictures may be blurry to protect the innocence of my "kids," but as you can see the sorrow on mine and Riley's face, words cannot describe how we felt this sad, sad day.
It was Sept. 6, 2011...it was a normal day, I got the kids off to school, babysat Ruby and Seth, took care of Chris, did errands....and prepared to take my Foster kids to visit their mom after school.
As soon as the kids got off the bus, I scurried the kids to get ready. I had to take the truck to the visit today, the van was out of gas. We said, "goodbye" to Ruby and Seth, got the kids in their shoes, got "S" and "J" in the truck, and ran back in to tell Chris, Riley, and Cody goodbye; and the phone rang.
The caseworker said: "I need you to get the kids ready to go home."
I said, "okay, like forever?"
"Yes, we will arrange for you to get their stuff to their mom later, but the kids are going back to their mom right now at the visit. Can you leave in 15 minutes?"
I was floored. I was hit with a truck. My babies were going home! I had these kids in my home for 1 year. How can I just say goodbye in 15 minutes? My wishes and dreams for them, what do I say? What advice do I give? How do I tell the kids, my kids? How can I be strong when I wanted to crumble? This is what we got into, I needed to be strong!
I told Chris, Riley, and Cody to come down and hurry. I broke the news to everyone. Immediately, the kids were screaming, it was like a giant flood broke loose. Riley was hysterical, "S" didn't want to go, "J" was wondering what was going on, and Cody was just wondering why everyone was upset?
We took some pictures, hugged, cried, the girls were screaming, promised to visit. I finally decided I needed to go, I got the kids in the truck, and fortunately a neighbor saw the drama and came out to see if she could help; she helped to soothe Riley. As I drove away, "S" was screaming in the truck, and Riley was running after the truck screaming for me not to leave. I felt like I was taking children away from a home like a social worker...it felt horrible.
As I drove to Provo, "S" was so upset, when would she see her friends again? When would she see Grandma and Grandpa again? Pepper? We forgot to hug Pepper (our dog). I gave as much advice as I could in the 15 minute drive...."Heavenly Father loves you, we love you, you are both beautiful...and we love you! Be good kids!"
I dropped the kids off, and as I drove off...my tears began to roll. My babies; I cried with them, picked them up when they were down, held them when they were sad after visits, multiple therapy visits, driving, laughing, singing, first time experiences, letting them be kids. I couldn't stop the tears...each tear was a wonderful memory.
I would do it over in a heartbeat, the satisfaction I feel from helping these kids was worth all the pain of this day. I love doing Foster Care, and being important to the life of a child.
Riley was still upset when I got home, but she has gotten over the sadness. Riley still misses "S" and "J," but the lessons and experiences she got from having the kids in our home, are invaluable. For about a week, Riley was worried Cody would leave, as well, but we reassured her that Cody was forever...and he is now.
Here are some pictures of the kids, poor Riley she was so upset, and me hugging my babies. I love you and will never ever forget you; the lessons you taught me are priceless. I love you.
Oh Brooke, every time I think of this moment I shed tears for you and your family. The heartbreak is so evident in Riley's face. And I know your heart aches every day for your children. I am so sorry. I know that it was not by chance that S and J were placed in your home. You, Chris, Riley, and Cody sacrificed so much to give S and J the unconditional love and stability they needed in their young lives. And even if they forget your faces over time, there will be a part of them that will never forget the love they received from all of you, and the lessons you taught them through your example. Your love will be an anchor for them always. I know that you know this, and I know that it doesn't make your ache or sorrow any less. But I also know that Heavenly Father is aware of you. He knows the depth of your heart. He loves you. He knows that you are willing to love any of his children, no matter the baggage they come with. It is a gift, and a blessing, and perhaps a burden. But he trusts you. He is mindful of you. And I know that this experience is leading you to a position where you will help so many more. And because of your experiences, your empathy will be a balm to those who need it most. I love you, Brook. I am so honored to be your friend.
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