Finding Peace. The road to finding peace is a tough one, a road that is not easy, but it is a road we all must take.
There are several key moments in life that change us forever, the moments that change your core, the being you are to become.
When I was in my "tweens," as they call them now, I had a few life changing experiences. One, was an experience I never talk about, and never will on this blog, but it has changed me forever; it was a trial that changed the way I look at the world, parenting, and my trust in humanity was tarnished. Two, the youth groups in my church were invited to feed the homeless under the 6th Street viaduct in Salt Lake City, it was this experience that changed my look at people, compassion, and what I wanted to do with my life...I would never be the same. Three, my family was sealed in the Provo Temple, at this experience I learned that God loved me, and that I loved my family more than ever, and that if I did what was right here on this earth, I could live with them forever. If I did what was right....that is what stuck in my head, and still does.
Another momentous experience in my life, that has helped me through my life, was the Holy Ghost, the Comforter, the Still Small Voice....whispering to me in my bedroom in my parents' home when I was around 17. "You will never have children of your own." I can hear it plan as day in my head to this day. I know that my Heavenly Father gave me that gift of knowledge to help me overcome the challenges I would face as an infertile woman.
Without the experiences that I have mentioned here, I would not be who I am today, plain and simple.
Without the trial of which I cannot speak of, I would not be as willing to understand others who are going through similar heartache, I may not be compassionate and understanding to the individuals I come in contact with on a daily basis being a Foster parent. I firmly believe that, after going through much heartache and pain with my trial, I can honestly say...I am on the other side of pain, and am now on to gratitude for the humility and spirit of forgiveness that trial has taught me. I am strong, I am willing to help, and I am happy.
Without the experience of interacting with the homeless, I may not look at all people as children of God...sure I would know they are children of God, but now I see them as children of God. On this occasion, my leaders had asked us to serve the homeless dinner for Christmas; and if we had any donations bring them to give to needy. As a young kid, I went through all my "crap" and donated all my unwanted toys I was "done" with. One of my jobs while serving these incredible people was helping the parents go through the donated items of toys for their children for Christmas. One man in particular, I can still see his scruffy, sad face...looked at me, age 11, and said, "can you help me look for some books that I can give my twin boys who are 2?" As we looked through the "crap" he came across some books I had donated (thrown away really), and he said, "these books would be wonderful, they would love them." I helped the man put my "crap" in his bag...as he smiled for the first time. What a lesson! I will never turn my back on my fellow man, I will serve others as though I am serving my very Savior. I learned that day to be grateful for the life I have, and how lucky I am to have the life I have been given. I only hope I can pass this onto my children.
Going to the Temple with my family was an amazing experience that will always be close to my heart. I can remember looking in the Eternal mirrors with my family and thinking to myself, "forever." As a wife, I looked into those mirrors with my husband, looked into them again as a mother, and cannot wait to look into those mirrors again as we seal our new son this coming year. "Forever." I am so grateful for the life my Heavenly Father has allowed me to have.
Being infertile has not been easy, and at times I have been downright angry. It is hard to watch your family and friends "pop" babies out like gumballs, year after year....and smile, as your heart is torn in two, praying to God, asking, "what did I do to deserve this life?" Well, the ringing of the Holy Ghost is strong in my ears, as I have come to peace with, "you will not have children of your own." Ah, but I have so much more! Without the trial of infertility, I would not have my precious Riley, and experience the miracles that came with her arrival, let alone the testimony that was gained from this experience.
Without infertility, Fostering children would not be a part of my life, I don't believe. I am grateful for the experience I get in working with these wonderful, brave, kids...and the things they teach me, Riley, and Chris. Plus, I would not have my "Soy boy," my new buddy (son).
As many of you know Chris is not always in the greatest health, recently he lost his sight, again. However, he has regained sight and is fine...but during that week or so, I was constantly at peace because I know that this time of earth is but a small time.
I am so grateful for the lessons that I have had in my life...and the trials. I am at peace, I know I am not alone, and that God has a plan for me and my family, I just have to trust in Him. It has taken many years for me to find peace, but I am happy I did.
I know that I will always have bumps in the road of life, but their is always two sides of a bump...and I will eventually get there, and be on smooth ground again.
Here is my Riley as a baby:
There are several key moments in life that change us forever, the moments that change your core, the being you are to become.
When I was in my "tweens," as they call them now, I had a few life changing experiences. One, was an experience I never talk about, and never will on this blog, but it has changed me forever; it was a trial that changed the way I look at the world, parenting, and my trust in humanity was tarnished. Two, the youth groups in my church were invited to feed the homeless under the 6th Street viaduct in Salt Lake City, it was this experience that changed my look at people, compassion, and what I wanted to do with my life...I would never be the same. Three, my family was sealed in the Provo Temple, at this experience I learned that God loved me, and that I loved my family more than ever, and that if I did what was right here on this earth, I could live with them forever. If I did what was right....that is what stuck in my head, and still does.
Another momentous experience in my life, that has helped me through my life, was the Holy Ghost, the Comforter, the Still Small Voice....whispering to me in my bedroom in my parents' home when I was around 17. "You will never have children of your own." I can hear it plan as day in my head to this day. I know that my Heavenly Father gave me that gift of knowledge to help me overcome the challenges I would face as an infertile woman.
Without the experiences that I have mentioned here, I would not be who I am today, plain and simple.
Without the trial of which I cannot speak of, I would not be as willing to understand others who are going through similar heartache, I may not be compassionate and understanding to the individuals I come in contact with on a daily basis being a Foster parent. I firmly believe that, after going through much heartache and pain with my trial, I can honestly say...I am on the other side of pain, and am now on to gratitude for the humility and spirit of forgiveness that trial has taught me. I am strong, I am willing to help, and I am happy.
Without the experience of interacting with the homeless, I may not look at all people as children of God...sure I would know they are children of God, but now I see them as children of God. On this occasion, my leaders had asked us to serve the homeless dinner for Christmas; and if we had any donations bring them to give to needy. As a young kid, I went through all my "crap" and donated all my unwanted toys I was "done" with. One of my jobs while serving these incredible people was helping the parents go through the donated items of toys for their children for Christmas. One man in particular, I can still see his scruffy, sad face...looked at me, age 11, and said, "can you help me look for some books that I can give my twin boys who are 2?" As we looked through the "crap" he came across some books I had donated (thrown away really), and he said, "these books would be wonderful, they would love them." I helped the man put my "crap" in his bag...as he smiled for the first time. What a lesson! I will never turn my back on my fellow man, I will serve others as though I am serving my very Savior. I learned that day to be grateful for the life I have, and how lucky I am to have the life I have been given. I only hope I can pass this onto my children.
Going to the Temple with my family was an amazing experience that will always be close to my heart. I can remember looking in the Eternal mirrors with my family and thinking to myself, "forever." As a wife, I looked into those mirrors with my husband, looked into them again as a mother, and cannot wait to look into those mirrors again as we seal our new son this coming year. "Forever." I am so grateful for the life my Heavenly Father has allowed me to have.
Being infertile has not been easy, and at times I have been downright angry. It is hard to watch your family and friends "pop" babies out like gumballs, year after year....and smile, as your heart is torn in two, praying to God, asking, "what did I do to deserve this life?" Well, the ringing of the Holy Ghost is strong in my ears, as I have come to peace with, "you will not have children of your own." Ah, but I have so much more! Without the trial of infertility, I would not have my precious Riley, and experience the miracles that came with her arrival, let alone the testimony that was gained from this experience.
Without infertility, Fostering children would not be a part of my life, I don't believe. I am grateful for the experience I get in working with these wonderful, brave, kids...and the things they teach me, Riley, and Chris. Plus, I would not have my "Soy boy," my new buddy (son).
As many of you know Chris is not always in the greatest health, recently he lost his sight, again. However, he has regained sight and is fine...but during that week or so, I was constantly at peace because I know that this time of earth is but a small time.
I am so grateful for the lessons that I have had in my life...and the trials. I am at peace, I know I am not alone, and that God has a plan for me and my family, I just have to trust in Him. It has taken many years for me to find peace, but I am happy I did.
I know that I will always have bumps in the road of life, but their is always two sides of a bump...and I will eventually get there, and be on smooth ground again.
Here is my Riley as a baby:
You have forever touched my life. I am very grateful for knowing you. I am so thankful you have been blessed by the spirits that have entered your home. I too, believe that certain things impact what happens to us down the road. Our lives are a few "BIG" decisions, and many small decisions.
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