My life as a Foster Mom....

My life as a Foster mom is, well, unreal. There is really no words to express the pain and sorrow I feel for these little kids, they have so much pain stuffed into their little bodies, and it is just aching to come out. I hope I can be there to catch it and stitch up the tear.

I will never forget the day I got the call, "they will be there in about an hour." This day had started out just like any old day, I wasn't really dressed, my house was not "perfect," and I still didn't have my mattresses for the bunk beds we had just recently purchased...but my day became super crazy after I got the call. I decided getting dressed was the least of my problems, so I concentrated on getting the mattresses for the beds (thanks to my dad for picking them up at the store), then I tried to pick the house up to some sort of "clean." Then, I got dressed...and waited, and waited, and waited for the car to drop the kids off. I have been nervous before, but this was a different kind of nervous..."was I going to be able to relate to the kids?" "Was I going to be able to calm them down?" "Were they going to like me?" "What were they going to be like?" "What did these kids go through to get to this point?"

Finally, the kids arrived, and of course, things were a bit tense...I can't describe the sadness and confusion in the kids' eyes. All I could do was hug them and reassure them that things were going to be okay, and that I was here for them if they need me, no matter what.

Riley was a bit surprised to see two extra kids at home when she arrived on the bus from school that day, she was so excited to have a brother and sister...finally.

To say that things have been peaches and cream, is not true, but things have not been horrible. There are days when the kids yearn for their old life, but I think they enjoy the stress free life...and that they get to be kids.

As a Foster Parent, there are many obligations that are required on my part...I am required to drive and deliver the kids whenever the State needs them here or there. Many Dr. appointments, therapy, parental visits, meetings with the people involved with the kids....it is a lot of going, going, going, but I have really enjoyed finding myself in service to others.

The things I have learned about life and people are invaluable to me, there are so many things that are going on in our world around us, things that we may know about...but more than likely choose not to think about. With these children in our home, I really have come to appreciate my own life and my own parents, and the childhood I was able to live.

So, my new job is wiping tears, calming tantrums (which really are screams of sadness), building new confidence, and teaching children to be children, renewing faith, and saying, "no," even when I want to give in and say, "it is okay, here you go," but knowing by saying, "no," that is the greater gift.

I know I am not a perfect parent, and I have made MANY mistakes!

I just hope my Heavenly Father knows how much I appreciate the trust he has in me to "mold" these kids, I am honored to be in their lives, even if it is just for a short time.

I will continue to journal my experience as a Foster Mom.